HOW DU LIKE DEM APPLES BIATCH

if I had known now back then, i wouldn't have give you a chance. but If i haven't had met you -i wouldn't be the person I am today. I can only thank you for the pain, and thank myself for coming out of it. I don't hate you -i'm not even sure if i have the full energy to pity you. but I do know you cross my mind and the background theme song is ALWAYS Beyonce's 'Best Thing I Never Had'.

I'm going into the new year knowing truly what I am capable, who I've become and where I want to go. and no man will ever again tell me its not possible, because 'seeing is decieving (and baby) dreaming is believing'

In the entire time I was with you I learnt only these things: to use face wash instead of face wipes to wash my face, brush my teeth before bed, and that you're not even human -oh and that I'll NEVER let someone like you back in my life ever again (even if yo are a one off! and yes that is a bad thing in your case!! LOL)

2012 WILL BE my year for true love: for myself and a special someone.

SO no, you didnt fuck me up, youre the only one that is stuck in monochrome honey....I can move on and I'm THANKFUL its without you...dem apples must hurt like a biatch that the balls in my court. oh well sweet heart, heres my final famous words

KISS MY ASS BIATCH!!!!!!!! :P HAHA!!!!.

Can't Change A Man

So i'm finally standing in front of you
its been a year, and god i wish i didnt have to
but fate brought this round
and i cant run now, cause though you broke me down
i've gotta still be the bigger perosn, somehow

and all i kep thinking is what to say
each word ive already rehearsed is never ok
i'm still stumbling and trying not to cry on them
cause though i know your not worth a single letter
you're presence is only a reminder of how i was raped of my hearts words
and i know theres really no point in trying
cause i was never to believe a man could change

i never knew how to get through to your head
let alone your heart
so i think whats best is to to keep walking
yeah, straight past, you
dont you know that i'm so over you
and though i still cant find the worse to vocalize how
i can just feel it, you didnt deserve me back then
and i'm dayam sure you dont deserve me now

you showed me what a man shouldnt be
and i'm searching for what love should be
i may not be where i'm treading to right now
but i know i'll get there, without your hold back
cause since you've been erased, i've finally learned to breathe
and for the first time in my life i'm happy in my space
falling in love with myself, looking forward to amazing days.

Goodbyes

I thought i knew what true love was
till i stared you staight in the eyes
she took away all we had and filled you with all her lies
and i loved you so much
trusted you with my heart
and all i can look forward to now is our goodbyes

i never saw this coming to an end
but till you awake
theres nothing left to say
as I've lost,
so are you, and she got her way

a trickle of hope runs throught the bavk of my mind
that someday
you'll find our light again
but i dont have the paitience to sit and wait for when
i've taken enough beatings and wont do it again
and i darent ask for a heart to be lent

i didnt see it coming to this
but if i had just one wish
we could go back to the days
where you played Dad
and i knew you had my back
and i didnt have to sit here crying
reminiscing of what we had.

KLN 2010

London Eye bloggy wog

So I here, sitting outside the London eye on my lunchbreak (which btw I have been counting down the hours till since I started at 9am) and I'm contemplating, reminiscing, u know you have those moments. As I'm fruit to it it the place is swarmed with bloody tourists, screaming children and mr Big Ben to contend with, can't we just enjoy the 26 degree heat without the tourists and babies at least? For moment I looked accross all the people and (some may say sadly) thought 'not one of these could be a potential man. Since breaking up with my ex was probably the hardest thing I've emotionally had to go through (for all who know me will understand why) I spend my days on boring placements thinking 'he wa such a dick and I hope he rota in he'll thinking of the speeches I would say if I saw his weedy little ass again. But so much has happened since him leaving, for 1) LIFE. fo the first time in my life I know who I am and I won't change for no one or nothing, and this is probably the only good think that came outta that 'relationship'. Think of how far I've come in my life with the struggle of people always trying to change me to appeal to their ways than allowing myself to be myself. He suffocated me and I wa dying and now he's gone I've never felt more free and able to breathe than before, it's amazing.
It just saddens me that I've had no one to talk to through all this, and once again I'm taking care of myself, which I've come to realise and accept this is the best way neways, u gotta look put for number one cause no one else will. Saying this I've starting to put mydssires at the fore front, no longer wanted to be the fat kid with the line 'no guys I like go for me cauS elf my weight' crap I've taken time out for myself for the first time in years and started running and swimming :). Last nite I ran the longest I've done in a damn long time and it's a testament to myself showing what I can do when I put my mind to it. And so far I'm 4 pounds off from polemic a stone! Only 2 more to go! But stilt hats amazing achievement and my perseverance and dedication to the course is clearly paying off physically and emotionally! :)

Nehoes that must be the closing of my first blog in a while, suns gone in and so mist I to work! Adios amigos xx

'L.O.V.E'

so here we are again
it's like ground hog day
save your breath
i already know how i'm feeling
and what your going to say

my heart has sunk
with the return to your turf
every day i'm here
i'm reminded how little i'm worth
so let me take my love back
so i can cover how much it hurts

you continue to play your blind
they say outta sight outta mind
well i guess it must be true
cause i've already started to die
and you've shut your eyes

continue to pretend
years gone by; still no end
and i've gone, oh how my heart left
and now you can keep you ignorance
close to your heart -in your top left
for i wont return -thats a sure bet.

Over.

So I guess its over
I guess were done
Once again you've not won
Here by myself and
As i count down from two
Back to one
The road seems less lonlier than were've i come

I'm still heading down this route
Seeing who i meet
And if they're ever be a you
Because if i'm honest
Each day without a significant other
Is only another stepping stone deeper into these waters
A step further to my untimely death with love

I guess staying positive is harder than one could ever have thought
Cause as i've learn through time
Love just can't be bought
And the only thing i've learnt is how to be alone
So i'll repress my reality knowing i'll live alone for years to come
Pretednd to you love that my belief can come undone
When i know that in truth i dont know when i've ever won

Sisters Word

Sisters Word

i'm sorry i'm not there
i'm sorry i've been a shit sister
but sorry dont show i care
sorry means i feel the guilt
that today its become uncomfortably normal
for all the blood thats been spilt
and i'm hoping now i can make a change
and the bridge thats burnt the distance between us
can be re-built

cause i love you no matter where in the world i'll be
not a day goes by when i worry if you happy
and that the years gone passed are days too long
knowing how i've done you wrong and want you with me
cause i cant change the past
but we're yet to write our future
so lets write something that'll ever last

and i look forward to the day we re-unite
i fantasize how we'll run towards eachother will all our might
i'll give you the best day of your whole life
and we'll catch up, catch some jokes
relive the past and start to fix what broke
cause this is reality, i dont need to no hope
cause i'll keep my word and get you to where i am
cause this is a sisters word, this is my promise
and from this day forth i'll always do what i should have done
and do for you all i can.

KLN Feb 2010